Audio Book Therapy

Adversity is another way to measure the greatness of individuals. I never had a crisis that didn't make me stronger."

Lou Holtz


The audio therapy story starts with our first road trip. It was October of 1997 and I was going to visit my sister in Ohio. Jack had just turned two and Kate was 6 months old. I had a Winnie the Pooh and Tigger too cassette, driving the 1992 SAAB and enjoying its coziness and that it felt so sturdy to drive. I felt safe with the kids in it and getting away from the home front was what I needed. My ex was drinking...alot and a week long trip (between therapy sessions) was in order. I was nursing Kate. Right after I nursed her we got on the road and I listened to that tape with Jack for 2 1/2 hours. "Again, again, again." I would hear from the back seat as he played with the Tigger puppet and Kate slept on.
After that we went to NJ and I would stay over night at MJ's house because it was too far to drive all the way to my folks' house in NY. Those visits were great. I began reconnecting with friends, Cooch, Angie, Kelly and MJ, and starting to enjoy my life again. Going to college reunions. The road trips were my life blood. We starting taking books out of the library and I would make a mixed tape: story, music, story, music etc. They were so fun to listen to. They kept Jack entertained and Kate slept on. Over the course of that year I got most of the music from the Disney movies and other fun songs that the kids and I danced to at home and kept making mixed tapes from the library. Over the next few years, Jersey became a regular stop as it reconnected me with all my college friends and reminded me of the person I used to be, before all the crap I had gotten myself into. Being with those friends, continues to give me a feeling of peace and calmness and a sense of belonging. I feel loved and accepted for being me.

While going through the process of leaving, I found I had 40minutes free each day. It was the 20 minute car ride to and from school to our house in Friedens. I would listen to the Harry Potter tapes and anytime I would find myself thinking about work or home. I would rewind and listen again. This was a good strategy for me to have 40 minutes when I wasn't being stressed out by my life. Going through a divorce and audit and "healing" from a strike was not a good combination for me that year. But I did it and survived.

Then the first Christmas after I left, Bob took the SAAB as his car was wrecked and I had planned to go to NY. We weren't divorced yet and the SAAB was in his name and he took it!! I was so angry. I rented a car and threw our luggage in and took off. Enterprise came to the house to pick us up. I took my shoe box of tapes. Unfortunately, there was only a CD player in the rental. We made it to NY without stopping and while I was there we got our first CD audio book. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was the only book on the shelf I wanted to listen to. On the way back to Berlin we listened to the whole CD. Jack was in Kindergarten and would ask tons of questions. I would stop the CD, answer the question and he's say, "OK, put it back on." Kindergarten. It was the most awesome car ride. 6 hours non-stop.

Since then our CD collection has grown.All the Harry Potter CD's, Narnia, Little House, Beverly Cleary, From the Mixed-Up files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankwieler and more. It is our family thing and I push them on everyone I know. Very few people actually borrow them and I have offered them to many of my friends. That's why when Casey's kids enjoy them so much...well it's just nice to have someone who thinks like you and appreciates the same things you do.

The SAAB is still running. Someone in Somerset drives it. We saw it one day. It was kind of a bittersweet moment. The three of us came to love that car. It was our ticket away from the craziness. "That car reminds me of your smile," my insightful son said once.

Thanks for reading this blog and not thinking I am too weird. It is kind of therapeutic to write about these things. I hope its not too boring.

This Easter we listened to Twilight.

Any suggestions for summer travel?